Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Day 5 286.4 lbs

Whew. I hit a wall this morning after breakfast. I felt incredibly sleepy and just generally terrible. I decided to try the glutamine under the tongue and I felt better within a few minutes. Stupid body. It needs to learn to use fat as fuel. Or maybe I should say dumb brain since apparently it was the one starving for fuel even though I have enough 'fuel' on board to last it several lifetimes if it would just learn to accept it. (Ok, ok, I'm still cranky.)

I started thinking last night about the things that have improved for me already. Like my achy right knee hardly aches anymore. Hmmm, I wonder if I can kneel on it yet. I haven't been able to without it really hurting. Wait a sec and I'll try..... wow, that is amazing. Only a slight amount of discomfort even when I put my full weight on it. I'm really happy about that.

Also, the joints at the bottom of my thumbs are a lot less achy. They've been getting progessively worse for the past several months. At first I just thought I was over using them somehow and they were getting sore from that, but I could never figure out what I was doing to cause it. Finally I realized that maybe it was the start of arthritis, which makes perfect sense considering what my diet had been. That realization made me kinda nervous. Thank god I found Mark's Daily Apple.

I'm sure there are other things I just haven't realized yet, but it's still early days so I have a lot more improvement ahead of me. If I can just figure out a way to find recipes easier. Grrrr. It's my achilles heel.

Noon

Not having a good day. After writing that last bit I fell into a coma and slept for 2 hours. The glutamine only helped for a minute or two. In fact, I've woken up early and then gone back to sleep about 8 or 9 AM every morning since I started this, but I don't know how much to blame on the new eating habits. I have problems with sleeping like that all the time because of working nights when on hospice. However, each night I seem to sleep a little longer and a little more sound. Last night I slept for almost 6 hours and my sinuses were clear most of the night which I'm sure helped with my sleep quality (meaning I could breathe through my nose so I got more oxygen when I was sleeping. There have been plenty of mornings when I would wake up with a fierce headache from what I eventually came to realize was from oxygen deprivation from what I assume must be sleep apnea. Not every night and not most nights so I've ignored it hoping I would find a way to lose the weight and therefore wouldn't have to do anything about it.)

I sure as hell don't know what to do about food. My brain isn't working very well. It's hard for me to think and I feel completely overwhelmed. I don't even know what I'm going to have for breakfast tomorrow let alone know how to figure out and then prepare enough food to get me through the weekend. And even if I did have all that figured out I don't know if I even have the ablility energy-wise to go shopping and then do the cooking.

I refuse to backslide and eat something non-paleo. I faced down a slice of pizza in the fridge last night and won. (I ended up eating some bacon.) But the problem is that I have no snack food for when I get hungry like that. The pizza showdown took place at midnight - 5 hours after my dinner - so of course I was hungry. And it's lunch time now and I'm supposed to eat the leftover shrimp scampi and asparagus from dinner last night, but my hunger center is frozen. I don't know how to explain that exactly. It happens everytime I go on a diet. I eventually (quickly) hit a wall where I'm sick of everything I'm allowed to eat so I just stop eating then inevitably I get so hungry that I fall off the wagon and start eating everything in sight.

Ok, I don't know how I'm going to get through this, but I'd better stop blogging and try to figure out what to eat.

2 PM

Saved! I found a smoothie recipe at Mark's Daily Apple and made that for lunch instead of having the leftover shrimp and asparagus. I can't tell you how incredibly delicious it was - coconut milk, frozen strawberries and whey protein powder. It was thick and creamy and coconutty goodness! I hadn't done any smoothies because I thought it would be best to stick to 'real' foods (in the sense that you have to chew them), but I can see now that I need them in case I don't have a 'real' meal available. It's given me an incredible sense of relief and has taken the pressure off. I'm so happy!

Oddly though, I started feeling better before I even ate the smoothie. Makes me wish I could truely know what's going on inside my body. I wish I had more time to spend on Eades blog. He does some great scientific-type posts.

7 PM

Well, another meal that was underwhelming. When did I turn into such a bad cook? I used the beefalo cube steaks in the crock pot with beef broth and onion and when it was done I simmered down the broth, added butter and xanthum gum to thicken. Still, it was all very bland and though the meat was fall apart tender, it was hard to swallow. I just chewed and chewed and chewed. I feel like I've been going 2 steps forward, 1 step back. It's still progress, but with a lot of frustration.

I also have no energy/stamina today. Just going to the store was difficult. Hell, just going downstairs and back up again was like slogging through mud. Intellectually, I know from what I've read, that this is the transition period and it will last anywhere from 3 weeks to 2 months, but still I have that worry that it somehow won't work for me. Sheesh! Even as I type those words I know how ridiculous a statement that is. So I'll just keep on with my 2 steps forward and 1 step back for as long as it takes. Surely, sooner or later, I'll cook something good.

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