Thursday, February 25, 2010

Day 27

3 PM

Well, didn't get my wish last night.  Went out again shortly after finishing my post.  And then, at the home, when I was sitting at the kitchen table charting in the computer, there was an open piece of tupperware with several ooey, gooey and iced brownies.

So many thoughts went through my mind about those brownies.  An urge to grab the container and eat them all as fast as possible and wonder that with all those people in the house that there could be any brownies left.  But the detached part of my brain realized that the craving was like a reflex.  There was no power in it. 

No power in it.  But how?  Why?  How could anything that I've done in the last month have changed 48 years of 'habit' so suddenly?  I know that hormonally I'm minimizing insulin so that I'm not getting the blood sugar swings that send my brain into alarm 'eat anything NOW FAST' mode, but still, you would think that a habit would have been formed just from sheer repetition of the behavior over the years.  But then, can 'habits' be changed so suddenly?  I don't have the answer.

On the drive home from that visit, it was after midnight and I was even hungrier than earlier.  I debated on the 40 minute drive back home about whether to stop for fast food somewhere.  Almost anything sounded good.  Pizza.  Milkshake.  Cherry turnover.  Yeah.  I was definately hungry.  That's the only time I've gotten real urges for that kind of food since I've started this.  But then I remembered.  If I don't permanently change the way I eat, I'm going to die.  Heart attack.  Cancer.  Stroke.  Diabetes.  Alzheimer's.  It was a real craving killing thought.  I went home and ate one of the breakfast sausage patties I made earlier in the day.

I woke up this morning completely wiped out.  Still made it to the chiropractor because if I ever want to be able to start to excerise again.  Thank god he is such a great chiropractor.  On the way home it was time to eat so I stopped at Burger King and got one of their thick burgers or whatever they call them.  I've decided I'm not going to sweat the small transgressions.  I'm so far away from being well organized at this.  Plus I just don't have the cooking and planning meal skills to start with.  I have to learn all that as well.  Nothing like starting from ground zero.

Now I'm getting hungry again so I think I'll go eat some sausage and make a coconut shake.  One last night on call and then I'll have some time to try some new recipes.

8:30 PM

Made that shake earlier.  Was hungry so used a whole can of coconut milk and some frozen peaches.

Felt weird for a few hours. (No, I don't think the shake had anything to do with it.)  But my troublesome, right side felt jittery, jumpy.  The only other time I can remember feeling that was two years ago when I herniated a disc and went on narcotics for 10 days.  The day my chiropractor (not the same one) finally figured out how to help me I stopped the meds cold turkey and had a helluva night.  No sleep.  In and out of cold sweats and that weird jumpy, jitteryness.  Now why it came back today I have no idea and it has nothing to do with this blog, but it was so weird I just had to mention it.

About 7 PM I got hungry again, but really didn't have much to eat.  Can't cook because I'm on call.  So I hit upon the brilliant idea of eating one of the Lara Bars I have.  Boy was it good.  But then about 30 minutes later I realized that really, all I'd eaten was a paleo candy bar.  It was amazing how quickly I felt like crap.  I was kind of in awe of my pancrease though and how fast it must have pumped out that insulin to crash my blood sugar that fast.

So I made another cheese quesadilla - lots of fat to buffer the sugar - and felt better.  Since then I've been on the paleo blogs catching up on posts.  I've spent a lot of time reading both the pro and con sides of paleo/primal eating because it is the quickest way to find out the difficulties that might lie ahead, but also because I have read too many stories on the internet over the years of people losing weight on a variety of different diets.  Why?

Maybe the main reason is that there are different oxidizer types genetically - some people naturally digest their food faster than others.  I know for a fact that I'm a fast oxidizer and I bet most successful primal/paleo types are too.  If you digest your food fast, you'll do better on slower digesting foods - protein and fat.

And yet I gave birth to a slow oxidizer.  It was perplexing to me through the years as she grew up how she slowly rejected the foods I fed her when she was growing up.  But then when I joined Jillian Michaels site late last year and took her quiz on oxidizing types, it all made sense.

Then I read a post tonight on Richard Nikoley's site, Free The Animal.  In it, he was responding to some legitimate criticism and ended up talking about the benefits of Real Food.  And I thought he hit the nail on the head.

Humans are omnivores.  We can damn near eat just about anything and survive, just as long as it is a food that isn't too tampered with. (Example, humans do well on milk if it is fermented first the way it used to be done before refrigeration.)  So, because I don't want to become a low carb zealot, mostly because I want to be successful myself but also because I would like to make recommendations to the clinic clients someday (sheesh, how many times can I use 'because' in one sentence?) I'm almost of the mind to change my own label from Primal to Real Food.  Only almost though.  I do think because of my oxidative type I am best suited to a high fat, adequate protein, low carb diet but I couldn't recommend that to my daughter.  She is better suited more towards the vegetarian end of the scale (as long as she doesn't go completely vegan - which she won't).

So I am ready to get over this damn cold and make some new Real Food recipes and get out of this food rut I'm in!

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